


love means letting go

by buckymyson (trashfinity)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Graduation, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Sorry Not Sorry, There's fluff now, but I needed to get this out for finnrey friday, but yeah like, major angst, no fluff yet, there will probably be a really fluffy second chapter added
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-21 15:16:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11360082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashfinity/pseuds/buckymyson
Summary: “I don’t have to leave,” he says, but there’s a longing in his voice, a regret in the words.She shakes her head, unwilling to let him suffer for her happiness. “Yes, you do.”He sighs. “Yeah, I do.”-Finn is graduating, and Rey knows she has to let him go.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> wow what is this?? I actually wrote ANGST?? 
> 
> inspired by the fact that I was at my school's graduation yesterday and I realized that it will be me next year, and by my international friend who just left today to return to Spain.
> 
> there will most likely be a happy ending in the form of a second chapter but it's the 52nd finnrey friday and I really wanted to post this for that and the angst was all I could finish for right now.
> 
> Hope you enjoy! Second chapter will be up maybe tomorrow??

“Congratulations to the class of 2017!” Poe cheers into the microphone, and the 300 identical black caps are thrown into the air. 

 

Through the crowd, Rey can see Finn hugging everyone around him, laughing and cheering with a giddy joy. A faint smile pushes at her lips, but her eyes watch with a bittersweet sadness. He's done high school now, off to better and bigger things, while she stays another year. He's moving to Toronto, while she stays back home. He's leaving her behind, while she's helplessly watching him go. 

 

Since he announced his plans, since he ran into her house screaming because his acceptance letter had arrived, Rey has been dreading this moment. She's tried her damndest to be happy, to be proud, because she really, truly is. 

 

But. 

 

Toronto is forever away. A different province, a different time zone, a different place; one she can't afford to travel to, and one he can't afford to leave. There's Christmas, possibly spring break. Thanksgiving, if she's lucky. Maybe he'll come back home after exams, or maybe he'll stay. Find a job, an apartment. A life.

 

All away from her. 

 

The band strikes up another round of  _ Pomp and Circumstance  _ while the teachers file out, followed by the grads. Rey tries to push her way to the front of the crowd but it's jam-packed and she's too skinny to push fifty people out of her way. Defeated, she resigns to stumbling along with the crowd, moving slower than cold molasses in Antarctica. He'll be knee-deep in congratulations and photo ops by the time she gets to him, probably so exhausted he'll want to nap instead of having dinner with her, and it hurts to know this, but she stiffens her upper lip and follows the crowd to the lobby. 

 

She  _ will not  _ cry. She  _ cannot  _ cry. This is what  _ Finn  _ wants. This is  _ Finn’s  _ dream. Whether Rey wants to accept the truth or not, he’s moving away and there’s nothing she can do to stop it.

 

All of her grief is soon forgotten when a pair of arms wrap around her waist and a pair of lips kiss the top of her head and she’s turning around to see  _ him  _ beaming with pride and eyes shining with tears. Rey scolds herself for her selfishness, for wishing he could stay here instead of chasing his dreams. Gazing upon his kind face, into his warm eyes, is enough to remind her that he deserves this opportunity, that he deserves the whole damn world and she can’t give it to him here.

 

Her faint smile quickly turns into an enthusiastic grin as she throws her arms around his robed shoulders and holds him close, breathes him in. He smells like maple syrup and sea salt, sweet yet salty.

 

He smells like  _ home _ .

 

“I’m so happy for you,” she murmurs against his neck. His hand rubs her shoulders, his lips pressed in her hair. Shoulders, fingers, hips brush and bump against their still bodies as people push through, impatient and uncaring, but neither back away or move to stand by the wall. Rey is perfectly content where she stands, and no irritable old man or glowering young woman will move her.

 

Neither speak for a long moment, only bask in the comfort of the embrace. Finn needs no words to express his concern, his fears, his stress; Rey can feel it, has been feeling it, in the set of his shoulders, the lines of his face, the look in his eyes. It’s mostly gone now, replaced with the elation of receiving his diploma, walking across the stage and shaking the principal’s hand, but traces remain. He’s nervous about university, she knows. About not living up to his standards, the weight of the world’s expectations sitting on his shoulders.

 

“I don’t have to leave,” he says, but there’s a longing in his voice, a regret in the words.

 

She shakes her head, unwilling to let him suffer for her happiness. “Yes, you do.”

 

He sighs. “Yeah, I do.”

 

With one last shaky breath, Rey steps back from the embrace, already regretting her decision. Finn’s arms are warm, unselfish. His hugs can clear the clouds on a rainy day. She’s going to miss his hugs most of all. 

 

“Go find your friends. I need to leave anyways,” she says.

 

_ I love you,  _ she doesn’t say. _ I want to be with you. _

 

_ Please don’t leave me _ .

 

She begins to walk away, grin fading fast. The warmth in her heart slowly evaporates until she’s left cold and alone, and she wishes, for once in her life, that she could have been entirely selfish.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now it's Rey's turn to graduate, but the outcome is a little happier than last year's!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this didn't turn out quite as fluffy as I'd hoped but there is a lot less angst than the first chapter.
> 
> chances are I will write an epilogue of sorts because idk I write too much i guess
> 
> sorry that it's kinda short but it's all I could really write so. but I do have an idea for the possible epilogue and I can stretch that shit out for miles.
> 
> and technically finnrey friday was yesterday but this fits the 'sexy' slot now as well (but there is no smut whatsoever. it's just rated T now).
> 
> (and this isn't pertinent to the fic whatsoever but it's Canada Day and I'm Canadian so I've decided that Rey and Finn are from Halifax because its a bomb ass city and perfectly Canadian and I'm very patriotic today okay)

Finn doesn’t come back for Christmas.

 

September hits and he’s gone, away to Toronto, where he stays until the end of his first year. It’s hard, but they manage. Texting becomes second nature, fingers flying across phone screens whenever they can. Calling is every other night, and their weekly Skype sessions keep Rey going through the never-ending school weeks. She hates seeing his face over a blurry computer screen, though it’s better than the alternative of never seeing him again.

 

So.

 

They deal with it.

 

But it hurts, more than she likes to admit, when he tells her he’s staying in Toronto for the holidays. It’s cheaper, he claims. Easier on his mom’s wallet. Rey understands, but begs her parents to pay for him anyways. Inevitably, they deny it because the holiday is stretching their wallets tight enough.

 

So.

 

Finn comes back in April, two days after his final exam. Rey skips class to pick him up at the airport. Their reunion is loud and comforting, both talking a mile a minute as they embrace sweetly in the middle of the baggage claim. For the first time in months, Rey is at peace. Calm, soothed, warm, and  _ happy _ . Her heart feels light, unburdened. Free.

 

And so deeply, achingly, beautifully in love.

 

She still has school, another two months, in fact, so Rey moves herself no further beyond ‘best friend’, though she desperately craves  _ more _ . At night, she finds herself dreaming of Finn, of his lips on hers, his hands roaming her body. At day, she imagines being with Finn, dating him and kissing him and loving him. The thoughts invade her mind, prying the control and filtering the world through a filter of love and romance. The air tastes sweeter, the colors appear brighter, the sounds clearer.

 

There's no denying she's got it  _ bad _ . 

 

Graduation day dawns warm and sunny, the perfect backdrop for the momentous occasion. Rey, having woken up from an intense dream about Finn, finds herself losing focus all morning, her thoughts always wandering back to him as though he's the center of her world. 

 

Maybe that's not so far off. 

 

The ceremony goes off without a hitch, though Rey misses most of it, mind preoccupied with Finn and how real her dream felt. 

 

( _ His hands all over her body, his lips soft and wet against her skin, fanning the fire ignited in her core with every touch. Her thighs trembled as the Finn of her dreams brushed a finger down her chest. Her heart pounded as he kissed her hips, her stomach, her thighs. _ )

 

Finally, the agonizingly slow ceremony ends and she's throwing her cap into the air and hugging everyone around her because  _ she did it! They all did it! _

 

As is procedure, the teachers exit first, followed by the students. With her last name of Solo, Rey is near the back of the parade and is fairly close to the crowds of guests shoving their way through the doors, Finn included. Slipping into the hall, she stands just off to the side, ready to attack her best friend with a hug as soon as he's in her line of sight. 

 

She's not waiting long before he's exiting the gym, chatting with her father. (To think Finn used to be scared of the man!) As luck would have it, he's on the far right of the stream and thus, Rey has a clear path to him. 

 

Practice and expert timing allow Finn to catch her in his arms as she jumps up to hug him, bridal style. 

 

“I'm going to find your mother,” her father sighs, a little too annoyed. “I'm proud of you, Rey.”

 

Now alone in their own little world, Rey breathes in the sweet and salty smell of Finn.  _ Home _ . With their differing schedules, they've had little time to spend together since Finn returned from school. But now, in his arms, Rey feels as though they have all the time in the world. 

 

Finn moves off to the side, finding an empty spot by the vending machine where they won't be shoved. She's standing now, inches away yet a canyon separates them, and Rey feels the urge to kiss his cheek, to close the gap. 

 

So she does. 

 

He smiles, prideful and kind and bright. “I'm really proud of you, Rey.” His smiling eyes gaze into hers, deep and intense. Rey's breath hitches, unable to pull herself away. “I know how hard you've worked.”

 

Rey's answer is to lean up and kiss him. He replies in earnest, rough but talented lips moving against her inexperienced ones. Years of pent up desire and emotions fuel the kiss, and Rey feels a spark in her veins. This is what she's been waiting for, she realizes. Not for him to come home, but for him to come home  _ to her.  _ To love her and kiss her like in her dreams. 

 

“I couldn't help but notice your school of choice,” says Finn, breathless from the kiss. His hands grip her waist, his face only inches away from hers. “What influenced this particular decision?”

 

“I didn't choose U of T  _ just  _ for you if that's what you're asking. Though you  _ are _ one of the many benefits.”

 

“Why? Because you get to be close to your best friend or your boyfriend?”

 

“Both.” Rey smiles. “Definitely both.”


End file.
